dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
