Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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