dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
