I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
