my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
