shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
