i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
bring money and cleavage
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
