i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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