Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
