How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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