You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
