No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
