No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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