Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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