So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Ketchup is God's man juice
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
no more duck duck goose at the bar
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Randomize
