I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
