can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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