Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
