i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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