Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
