I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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