There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I understand Curling. That high.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I love you.
Bad choice
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
