Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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