we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
