I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
