What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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