I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
vagina is talking i cant
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
