You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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