in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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