I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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