8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
you are never too drunk for berry picking
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
