I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
he's single and there are thong briefs.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
