I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I don't deserve a penis
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
