did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
