so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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