quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
