So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
