Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
