Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
