They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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