How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
