If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
