Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
