margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I am naked and annoyed.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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