This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
