Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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