The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
