Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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