I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
