I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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