I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
