I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
