just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I have post one night stand depression
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
