U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
my poor anus
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
